Anonymous said: Please update again
I’m not sure I have the same amount of time I used to :( I have gone to university now
Basically as of now this is my side blog for posting my fanfiction on, for the fic Miss You. My main blog is markfosters but I decided it'd be easier to post my updates on here.
Anonymous said: Please update again
I’m not sure I have the same amount of time I used to :( I have gone to university now
Anonymous said: it's been ages since you posted some fanfiction :(
Sorry :( I stopped because people seemed to no longer be reading since I created a new blog for it
Hey guys, should I continue this fic? since I moved blogs everyone seems pretty disinterested and I think I’ve been holding off doing it because of it, so I enjoy writing it, but I wanna know if you guys enjoy reading :)
So basically from now on the time jumps are going to be quite wide, to document the key events of Foster the People, as their rise was over a year. Obviously most is fictionalised in here but it’s based off the dates of real events.
24th February 2010
Nikki rose slowly out of her seat, with my hand to steady her, at the sound of her name, we entered the hospital room and she put on the hospital gown and lowered herself onto the bed. The doctor wheeled the ultrasound machine out and wiped the ultrasound gel onto her belly.
"Ooh that’s cold" Nikki winced slightly, grinning towards me, I’d expected that response. On TV they always say that.
"Yeah, most patients say that" the doctor agreed.
Talk about copying me…
The doctor reeled off a set of questions for Nikki and I relaxed back, reading a fascinating leaflet that was supposed to make you really pro-life but it wasn’t making much of an effect on me. Didn’t make me want to bin my pill and drag Mark off into bed anyway…
"Are you in touch with the father?" the doctor said tentatively, and with good reason, I saw Nikki’s back arch slightly at those words and she was about to sound off at her- I could tell.
"I’m the father" I said boldly, slamming down the leaflet in my ‘anger’.
The doctor went a deep red and coughed slightly. “Oh I’m sorry…I…I…didn’t realise…my er- my colleague never wrote down the- er- home situation…er..”
"Shows how much you doctors care about your patients!" I cried hysterically, standing up and sending the doctor trembling backwards.
Nikki at this part was peeling with laughter, holding her swollen stomach, the glint of revenge in her sharp eyes. The doctor at this point glanced round at Nikki, then glared, a realisation that a prank had been played on her.
"If you cannot be more mature miss, then I do have the power to ask you to leave" she said, in a failing attempt to regain her shattered dignity, it didn’t really work, she seemed even sillier.
"I’m sorry" I said, the shadow of the grin still behind my eyes. "I just thought it was an inappropriate question"
"It is a question you can refrain from asking if you so choose, I would have perfectly understood that" she snapped back, reapplying the smudged gel.
"Well, I choose not to, thank you" Nikki said, the joke leaving her and her eagerness to see her baby rising.
There was a stiff awkward silence as the doctor carried out whatever it is which brings up the baby. I was barely concentrating, all I was waiting for was the baby coming up.
My phone beeped, and I flushed slightly, embarassed to be disrupting her.
"Check it, it’s okay" Nikki said, smiling and genuinely meaning it.
"Are you sure?" I asked, still a bit nervous to answer a text off a person who almost tore our friendship apart.
She just looked at me, and I knew that she meant it. I pulled my phone out to discover a text from Mark, of course.
"COME TO THE HOUSE ASAP AFTER THE APPOINTMENT. BRING NIKKI IF YOU HAVE TO. BIG NEWS XXXXX"
"Apparently I must visit Mark as soon as possible" I said with a grin, raising my eyebrows.
"Right now?" Nikki asked, her face falling now. "You can go if you want"
"Nikki" I said sternly. "There is absolutely no way I am bailing now, I’ll go when we are done, do you wanna come by?"
"Yeah" her face lit up again, I think she was concerned I’d ditch her for the day. "As long as we can all go out for a meal, to make up for disrupting our best friends day"
I grinned. “Deal”
Quickly I replied to Mark’s text with “Will be about 2 hours tops, meal afterwards, Nikki’s orders” and put my phone away and on silent. All I wanted now was to focus on Nikki and her baby.
It surprised me how excited I was, how excited I was to see my goddaughter. If you would have asked me a few months ago if Nikki was ready to be a mother I would have laughed in your face, but seeing her now, seeing that love in her eyes. That excitement to see her child again, I knew she’d be fine. Not just fine, great. She was made to be a mother, to feel that love for another life. It didn’t matter that the father wasn’t around, Nikki did just fine on her own.
"Here’s your baby" the doctor said, interrupting my thoughts, with a softer tone now. I began to understand her job more, how lovely it must be to help a mother find a new bond, but even more devastating when it doesn’t work out, for whatever reason.
How special a moment it was as well, Nikki had already seen the baby, but this was the first scan I had been to. The first time I saw the baby, the strange blob on the screen, the blob which resembled a baby even more than the photos that Nikki showed me. There was a life inside of her, and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Tears sprang to my eyes as I reached out and held Nikki’s hand, whilst she had not been crying she was now, seeing me.
"Wow" was all I could say, for once in my life, speechless.
Nikki started laughing, truly laughing at this and then suddenly she stopped, her eyes going wide.
"What’s up?" I asked, panicked. "Is it the baby?"
"Yeah" and then a wide smile crossed her face. "It’s kicking, oh my god Trista, it’s kicking"
Nikki held my hand to her belly just sound of where the ultrasound was being carried out, and it was. There was this thump against my hand, and then we were both crying more.
"That’s the first time" she whispered, wiping away tears. "This is the best moment of my life"
I helped Nikki out of the taxi then payed the fare, ignoring Nikki’s insistence that she should pay some as well. We just let ourselves into Mark’s house, as they never heard the knock, to the sound of loud music coming from the living room. Opening the door we discovered Mark, Ponci, Cubbie and Zach stood round a laptop.
"Refresh the page again Cubbie"
"Shit! It’s gone up 10 more in a minute!"
Nikki and I exchanged looks, finding all this a bit dubious, she then cleared her throat with the attitude only a pregnant woman can possess. They all span round and grinned when they saw us, desperately wanting to share this news with us. Mark ran to me and picked my up in a hug, spinning me round to the point I was a bit lightheaded.
"Maark!" I screamed, hitting him in the arm to put me down, he did and kissed me on my nose before running back to the computer, and refreshing the page again.
"Five more!" he announced, receiving a high five from Zach.
Cubbie rose his hand to us in a little wave and I smiled to him, the only one still with their head on, but the excitement lit up his dark eyes. Ponci was holding his new kitten, Kenny, named after Kenny G for some weird reason, and stroking him every so often, as he fought to leap out of his arms.
Zach and Mark were just crowding the laptop, the low hum of their excitement palpable. Nikki went and sat on the couch, and sat messing around on her phone, waiting for them to get to the point. I went and joined her, tapping my foot slightly impatiently.
"So" Cubbie said, deciding it was probably time for us to be in the know. "As you will already be aware we put PUK up on our website as a free download, so then we set up a Twitter for Foster the People and saw that after the show in Venice earlier this month it’s getting a lot of notice by blogs, so we went on Hype Machine to find that we are now on there! So Mark tweeted to check us out on there"
"And now… Hype Machine is absolutely blowing up and the followers on Twitter keep coming!" Mark finished, beside himself.
"That’s so awesome!" I said, jumping off the couch and hugging him, and I meant it too. I knew from work that once a song becomes viral it’s hard to stop it from becoming a mass success.
"Mark!" Zach shouted over. "You have an email"
Mark half ran to the computer and opened the email, his eyes grew wider and wider as he read it, then his breath came out unsteadily.
"Are you okay?" I asked, walking over to put a hand on his shoulder to steady him.
"What’s the email about Mark?" Ponci shouted over to him.
"N..Nylon magazine wants to use Pumped Up Kicks in an advertising campaign. NYLON MAGAZINE. Guys, I think… I think we may be on the way to making it"
Everyone stood or sat in silence for a long time, but the silence was then broken up by one lone voice.
"I guess my baby photos are pretty irrelevant right now, right?" Nikki’s voice came from the couch, teasingly.
"Let’s all go for a meal, you can show us them there" Mark said, walking towards the door still with that shell shocked look.
They had made it, finally.
What does everyone think if I turn this blog into a directory for FTP fanfiction? So you can find fiction by each member. It could be on a submission or reblog basis, what does everyone think?
So basically this is my new tumblr for posting Miss You, I wanted it seperately from my blog as I thought It’d be easier. Also I have an idea which I will post in a minute to do with this blog.
“IT’S CHRISTMASSSSSSSSSS!” Daniel screamed outside the door, in the style of Slade, accompanied by a rhythmic knock.
Mark grinned, and I snuggled into him, covering my ears with his chest and the quilt. I was just glad he didn’t try and open the door, Mark and I being naked was not how I planned for them to meet. The sound of footsteps away from the door brought out sighs of relief from the pair of us, and Mark kissed the top of my head.
“Can’t we just spend the day here?” I sighed, so comfortable and happy in the cocoon of the duvet and the tangle of our bodies.
“We will one day, but not on Christmas day” he said, stroking my hair slightly before gently maneuvering me from his arms and lightly pushing for me to get up . “Better get changed”
With a groan I stood up and walked away, to the sound of a wolf whistle. I turned round abruptly to Mark waggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Good to see the front and back”.
I flushed a deep red and briefly flipped him the bird, before bending over, which he enjoyed too, to pick up the discarded pajamas from the night before. Whilst I redressed in them, he put on his, to give the illusion that we literally slept together, I wasn’t sure if my mother would buy that- but appearances went a long way in any case.
When I went to open the door, his finger tapped me on the waist. “Maybe put your hair in a ponytail or something… it’s uh looking a bit…”
I blushed a little again the reached for an abandoned hairband on the table, sloppily plaiting my hair. As a second thought, I gave him a quick kiss on the lips, smiling as I pulled away. Once we had reached the bottom of the stairs, I made him wait in the hallway, seeing as my mother wouldn’t know that he was here.
I opened the door slowly, to find my mother and Daniel sat on the couch together, his arm round her shoulders. They turned at my entrance and smiled at me, their eyes lit up. There was a collection of presents under the tree, as we had all put them there the night before, the tree was lit up and the weak morning sunlight flooded through the curtains, casting a dim light in the room.
“Morning” they chorused, in sync, looking expectantly at me, I presumed they still expected me to rush to the tree like a child and start ripping open the presents, but of course, Mark had to be introduced first.
“Erm” I shifted, slightly nervous. “We had a guest er last night- like late and erm he is kinda my boyfriend… he has been a while. I just kinda was too nervous to tell you, so yeah… meet Mark”
With these words I shakily pulled on the door handle, to reveal Mark, who looked surprisingly not nervous. I frowned slightly, but mostly felt relief that it wasn’t going to be awkward.
“Hello again” he grinned, holding his hand forward to shake it with Daniel, and then my mother.
“Again?” I asked, confused, as far as I knew they had never met, and I always told him he was banned from answering my phone when they called.
“How d’you think he got here?” Daniel grinned, standing up and clapping Mark on the shoulder, his childlike grin spreading across his boyish face. “Guess until he found our house?”
“Merry Christmas” my mother said with a genuine smile, taking another sip from her black coffee. “From his parents and from yours”
In that moment I felt nothing but guilt, guilt for my foul mood towards my the two of them, I could have followed what I once would have done, to get affronted at the use of “parents”, to destroy Christmas just because I could. I could do that, but I didn’t. Instead I smiled, so wide, wider than I had in so long.
My parents had booked my flight to come home, so they sneakily had booked Mark to be sat next to me. I couldn’t believe all this plotting had gone on and I’d been so unaware of it. They had loved Mark, of course they did, my mother had a thing for musicians herself. He joked with Daniel, talked music with my mother and she claimed he always watched me out of the corner of his eye, smiled whenever I spoke and that he was a keeper.
“We’ll miss you, both of you” she had proclaimed as she hugged me goodbye, and when she pulled away I was almost sure that I saw a tear.
“Thanks for having me stay” Mark said, with sincerity, shaking Daniel’s hand and being encased in a surprise hug from my mother.
We were now on the plane, about to take off, I wasn’t mad about planes, so I held Mark’s hand. Or more like clasped in a vice like crunch, with his fingers possibly being collateral damage. I was sure I would be killing him, but he didn’t complain, merely smiled, as he watched us rise higher and higher in the gloomy grey sky. Once we had finished the climb I looked out quite sadly to the faint outline of London.
“Bye England” I said sadly, letting go of Mark’s hand to twist more to the window.
“Do you miss it a lot when you’re in the US?” he asked, looking over my shoulder at the now cloudy mass that covered the land.
I nodded, sinking back into my chair, I loved the heat, the noise, the business of LA but I missed the buzz of London, the hum of Brit voices rather than American, the crowded tubes where one station was fancy and another looked like a backstreet of a pub. London was my old home, my childhood.
“So what do you think 2010 will bring?” I asked Mark a bit later, as we faced the long flight ahead of us.
“Ermmm… hopefully we will become super successful as a band, you fall even more in love with me, Nicki has her baby okay and your job learns to appreciate you” came his reply, in one clump, as though it was very obvious to him.
“Right answer” I grinned, kissing him on the cheek. “You guys are gonna do it, you have your website now as well… PUK is a great single”
“Yeah, Cubbie suggested putting it up as a free single but I dunno whether we could afford that… I mean that’s the one everyone likes” Mark looked slightly worried, pulling the arm rest up and down to try and distract himself.
“It could be a good idea though, get you out there, talk to Ponci about it” I suggested, not wanting to influence them too much. “You guys are gonna make it, either way, I knew that from when I first saw you, you were nothing like those pathetic bands we normally see at band night”
“I hope so” he sighed, before resting back in his chair, I held his hand and watched the clouds go by, looking forward to 2010.
I sat that evening, my bad mood not shifting, Daniel and my mother just ignored me as much as possible, sticking on Christmas films and manufacturing the Christmas cheer I was lacking. This went on for a long time, until they had finally had enough.
“What’s up with you?” My mother snapped, grabbing the sky + remote with force and pressing the pause button. “It’s Christmas Eve for goodness sake”
I rolled my eyes, not reply and playing absentmindedly with my phone. In the corner of my eye I saw the two of the exchange a look.
“Is it boy trouble?” my mother tried once more, in kinder tones this time.
Once again I ignored her, staring down at my lap, I didn’t want her to know about Mark yet, if she was to know about him it would be because she met him in person. I heard her sigh then the television play again.
About an hour later she went to bed, kissing me on the cheek and wishing me Merry Christmas. Daniel stayed downstairs, watching some rubbish Christmas special of some 80’s sitcom being repeated. I stayed in the same place, watching it without really seeing it, it was then- and I had no idea why, my eyes started filling up with the worry of the day. He saw me out of the corner of his eye and silently came over and put an arm round me, he’d never done that before, never stepped over that boundary. But I didn’t push him away, for once I let him in. I pushed my head into his chest and let the tears silently fall, letting the feeling of a father figure consume me for the first time in years.
The lights of the tree sparkled in the corner of the room, now buried in the presents underneath, and I had never felt less Christmassy.
“You have to try harder to communicate with your mother, Trista” Daniel said, not in a particularly scolding way, more advisory. Because he knew that I was aware that I should, but it wasn’t necessarily the easiest thing.
“I know” I sighed, pulling away from his chest to look at him, wiping my eyes. “It’s just difficult… when it was just me and her left it was tough for us to get along I guess”
“I understand that, but Trista- you aren’t a child anymore. You’re just clinging to this idea of the family you used to have, but it wasn’t so great even then, was it?” he said still as calmly as possible when approaching such a difficult subject.
“No” I admitted with a sigh, biting my lip slightly guiltily.
“Look, I won’t go on, it is nearly Christmas after all-” Daniel then looked up at the small carriage clock he and my mother had received as a gift from me. “In fact now it is”
The clock had hit midnight, it was finally Christmas day, and now- I felt at peace with the world.
There was a crash downstairs that awoke me from my troubled sleep, I leapt out of bed, frowning. I slipped on my dressing gown, grabbing my lamp from the bedside table, ready to confront whoever this was. Before creeping down the stairs I checked to see if my mother or Daniel were confronting this, none of the lights were on and their bedroom door had been closed. Slowly I made my way across the hall and lightly pushed open the living room door, as I had seen in films. I walked into the room and stood by the tree, the only light of the room, as I looked around- trying to find the disturbance.
“Ho Ho Ho!” Came a shout behind me.
I went to scream when a hand covered my mouth, I struggled out of their grip, trying to elbow them in the abdomen.
“Someone’s been a bad girl” they purred in my ear.
I knew that voice.
“Mark!” I exclaimed behind the hand, turning round in shock, to see his radiant face beaming down at me. “How..wha..wh”
“Christmas present from the parents” he shrugged, kissing me on the cheek, his eyes shining.
It was at that point that I stopped and remembered that I was mad at him, I pulled away from him stiffly. Mark stared at me, confused. “What’s going on?”
“Who’s Dani Rayne?” I asked somewhat weakly, not looking him in the eye.
“Dani?” his face lit up at her name, sending a cold chill down my spine. “She was this girl at the airport, and she was going to kill herself- yeah I know it’s serious stuff, and I just talked to her for like an hour and she cheered up, I even set her up with this guy at the bar- she was awesome”
I felt guilt ripple over me, and threw myself towards him in a fierce kiss. Mark’s eyes widened considerably then he got into it, this kiss was like no other, like it was charged with electricity. Never before had I been more attracted to him than that moment, that goodness in his heart and that happiness in his eyes.
I pulled back for a moment, staring him in the eyes and feeling them well up as realisation flooded me.
“I love you” I half whispered, his eyes catching the light of the tree as we stood in front of it.
Mark’s eyes crinkled and even more happiness, if possible, lit up his face. “Trista… wow… I love you too”
We kissed again, the heat intensifying even more and I felt that hope fill me, that love I hadn’t felt for so long. It was like that gulp of water after a drought, a radiator after being out in the snow. I could love again.
I pulled him by hand out of the living room and up the stairs, leading him to my bedroom. Mark’s eyes widened once more at the implications of this, his hand tracing my face, and he kissed me this time, softly, the perfect mixture of lust and love. My hand went to his t-shirt, gently trying to pull it over his head, he held my hand a moment.
“Are you sure?” Mark asked, eyes still slightly wide.
“Surer than I have been about anything” I whispered, pulling him by the t-shirt to kiss me again.
Once again he repeated the action of putting his hand up my shirt, this time a pajama vest, and I didn’t stop him. In fact we continued on this time, all the way.
After we had made love with just lay back for a moment, squashed into my single bed, just holding hands. Mark turned and smiled to me, both of us basking in the afterglow. He drew out his phone and clicked on his camera.
“Mark” I said, raising my eyebrows, “I’m not okay with you taking a picture of me naked, not going to lie”
He laughed, shaking his head. “No just your face, I want to remember this moment in the least seedy way possible”
“Okay” I agreed grudgingly. Just lying back and trying to pretend he wasn’t taking one.
The shutter went off and I fought to see the picture, it was me, with my hair messy and I had no makeup- but I didn’t really look like me at all. My lips were slightly parted and plump, my eyes shining for once. It was the best picture of me I had ever seen.
“My turn” I grinned, pulling out my phone and taking one of Mark.
He did the same as me and just lay back. His eyes pierced through the picture with their warmth and his face was impassive but happy, it was perfect.
“Oh and by the way” Mark said softly, turning towards me. “Merry Christmas”
Okay that was a soppy chapter but it’s Christmas, what else would it be? And Merry Christmas to you all :)
Stopped being lazy and posted a new chapter, woo!
It was December the 23rd and I had just arrived in Heathrow, London for Christmas. But you know when you see celebrities walking in the airport looking as fresh as if they were at a movie premiere, well- that was definitely not me. My hair had been piled messily on the top of my head, I had on ratty jogging bottoms with my high school leavers hoodie and a plain white tee which had seen better days. To disguise my lack of makeup I still wore shades, absolutely ridiculous as I stepped into the icy cavern that was England.
As I crossed the crowded airport, after experiencing the scrum that is the luggage carousel, I made the treacherous journey outside, waiting at the pick up area. My step dad was leaning against his car, smiling as he saw me. As I approached he raised himself up to embrace me in a bear hug.
“Gerroff me!” I grumbled, muffled in the tacky christmas jumper that he was wearing.
“Awww so good to see you too!” Daniel said still as cheerfully.
I eventually managed to escape and he held the car door for me to climb into, and closed it behind me. The car was thankfully warm, the heater presumably turned up as high as possible throughout the journey. Daniel gave me a side glance, a little smirk on his lips.
“What?” I asked, trying to be irritable but failing, it was impossible to be irritable around him.
“Sorry” he said, backing out and making his way out of the airport. “I was just smiling and envying your sensibility of wearing sunglasses in this glaring sunlight”
I merely shook my head and removed the glasses, putting them in the glove compartment with a snap. My mother had met Daniel 2 years after my Dad had left, it was sensible timing really, because I was too old to have a right to act out because of it. As a result that, and Daniel’s just unbelievable kindness and likability that shined out of every orifice made it inevitable that we would get along. He never tried to be my Dad either, he was just an authority figure in my life rather than a father figure.
We sat in silence for the majority of the trip, listening to some crappy pop song that flooded the radio.
“Booo!” Daniel called out randomly as we stopped at the traffic lights. “This is shite”
He then changed the channel and The Beach Boys were playing, I smiled to myself as I listened, thinking of Mark. This lovely moment was quickly ruined.
“I’M PICKING UP GOOD VIBRATIONS! SHE’S GIVIN ME EXCITATIONS!” Daniel sang loudly and out of tune, wiggling his eyebrows at “excitations”.
“That’s my mother, you know?” I groaned, traumatised.
He just smiled and carried on, as I lay my head back, looking at the city I grew up in. I had missed London, whilst I loved the busy, warm L.A. I did miss the still busy- but colder London. L.A. was just so new, everything modern, but London had the character of centuries of history. It still always struck me, just for a moment, every time I came home that the car was on the wrong side of the road. I was so used to the American road system that I couldn’t help but be freaked out.
We arrived at the house, which appeared to have been allowed to have a string of Christmas lights over the front stoop, Daniel getting his way for once. Daniel helped me wheel my case in, my mother greeted us at the door with a wide smile, hugging me tightly. I closed my eyes and breathed in that mint and faint cigarette smell my mother had.
“I’ve miss you so much honey” my mum said softly, since she had met Daniel she was a lot more sympathetic towards me and showed more emotion.
I pulled back to look my mother over, she was looking really good, with her hair left unstyled but fell shoulder length and blonde with a high sheen. She looked younger in the face too, even with minimal makeup.
“How was your flight?” she asked once we had settled down, with a cup of tea of course, in the living room.
I shrugged noncommittally, which I continued to do throughout most of my mothers questions, I didn’t want her to know how little my life was really progressing. Other than Mark I had little to show for this year, and she wouldn’t be impressed by that.
“Okay” Mum said, shaking her head, I knew I was starting to annoy her with my lack of replies. “What about romance?”
I felt a panic rise inside me, for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to tell her about Mark. “None”
“Really?” she asked skeptically. I always was lucky that she didn’t have Facebook.
“Well there’s a bit of something” I admitted reluctantly, seeing her eyes steel as they did when she caught on some good information. “But it’s not serious”
I felt my lie flood through me, along with the guilt towards Mark that I had undersold our relationship. Not long after that I went to bed.
As I lay in my childhood bedroom, now a neutral blank canvas, a spare room, with a television still in the corner and child pictures of me decorating the windowsill, I checked my phone. No messages from Mark, who had said he would text me first as he had free international texts. I lay my phone onto my bedside table with a sigh and curled up. Lying was the stupidest idea ever. It was then that I decided I would call him tomorrow afternoon.
He still hadn’t called by the time it was three o clock in the afternoon the next day, and I couldn’t help myself, I was worried. Mark had to travel himself, to his parents, and I was concerned he may have had an accident. I fingered the keyboard for a moment, before quickly dialling his number and calling, who was I kidding? That would always be the outcome.
Of course, he didn’t answer. So I did what all concerned girlfriends do… I checked his Facebook.
Yeah I know, so cliche and so predictable but I was concerned. I waited for the page to load, settling back in the couch and staring at the Christmas tree. All my decorations I had made as a child were hanging off, the haphazard bits of glitter shining round the room and creating various spectrums of colour.
As I glanced back at the screen I got a cold chill down my spine as I read his newest activity.
Dani Rayne “Thank you soo much for tonight, you’re amazing ♥♥♥♥♥”
Posted 12 hours ago, from a new friend.
I dropped my phone to the couch, dragging a hand over my face, gently knocking my head against the couch. What the hell was he doing while I’m away?
It’s been so long :o I’m sorry. Here’s the next chapter though, hope you enjoy :)
It was Sunday and I was laying out on my bed, my ipod was in the dock and I was soaking up some good unsigned bands with the dumb hope that one day I would be able to sign them when I got a phone call. I knew who it would be pretty quickly, any time spent not doing anything was time wasted for Mark. So I turned down the music slightly and picked up my phone from the bed.
“Hey baby” he purred into my ear, I shivered at his tone, the unstoppable butterflies erupting- as always, in the pit of my stomach.
“Hiya, what’s up?” I asked back, looking down at myself, in holey jogging bottoms and a vest critically.
“I’m taking you out”
I raised an eyebrow, remembered he couldn’t see it, and lowered it back down. “Who said?”
“You didn’t have to” Mark said, simply, as though it was inevitable that he would come and collect me. It was pretty inevitable to be fair.
“What time?” I sighed, trying to evaluate how much time it would take me to sort out the mess that was me today.
“Half an hour” he said, with confidence. “As long as it would take for you to get ready”
Mark then hung up the phone, with no goodbye, and I rolled my eyes, dropping my phone to the bed, then proceeded to turn my music up. I rose and had a shower, before returning to tackle the problem of what to wear. I wasn’t in the mood to put a lot of effort in so I slipped on Mark’s favourite jeans, coincidentally of course, his favourite due to the tight nature of them and apparently my butt looks “unfairly great” in them. Then I chose my beach boys tshirt, from a concert years ago, really out to impress Mark today. After some deliberation I slipped a blazer on top, to look like I had made some effort, and my heeled boots.
After a long session of curling my hair and doing my makeup I heard Nikki’s lazy shout from the living room of “He’s here”.
I grabbed my phone and walked out, feeling the still existing tension between us, since we nearly had gone all the way at Halloween even though we had now reached mid-November, there was a sexual tension there. Nikki could even feel it, she had claimed after any time she had spent time with both of us. Today she was lying on the couch, balancing a bowl of salad on her tiny baby bump and watching 90210, which she claimed represented her life as a teenager. I did not believe her. Nikki averted her eyes from her teenage life and rolled her eyes at me, she did not believe in how long I was waiting, she could not understand how we were bearing the tension or “not ripping your clothes off each other” as she put it. Part of me didn’t understand either.
“Hi” Mark said, his eyes burning as he raked over my outfit, smiling as he saw my tshirt and the jeans.
This was what I meant, I was wearing an outfit where I was basically covered up but there was this weird undertone to everything. But as I thought about it, I knew I was not helping at all by wearing my sexiest jeans. Damn.
“Hey” I said weakly, resisting the temptation to look at him properly, knowing I would react the same as he did.
“Jesus!” Nikki complained, pausing the TV “Will you guys get lost, honestly, it’s so awkward in here”
“Whatever” I mumbled, embarrassed, averting my gaze from Mark and shuffling towards the door to find a taxi outside. My embarassment seemed to fade away as soon as I exited the flat. “Oh Mark, how could you afford a cab?”
“I’m getting more gigs now” he said simply, holding the door open for me. “By the way, you look as gorgeous as always”
I felt my face go pink and allowed myself to look at him as he climbed into the cab. He had a shirt rather than a t-shirt on today but with his normal jeans, and he looked so good in them. His hair was getting long now, but it was well kept and brushed back and silky. I felt my face go even pinker, the attraction strong.
The taxi drove forward with no prompt, Mark had clearly prearranged it. We sat in silence for a lot of the journey, the only break being when Mark went to clasp my hand. I jumped at the sudden contact, but squeezed his hand to show it was just due to shock, not because I did not want him to.
“Okay” Mark said suddenly, putting his hand on my chin to tilt my head to face him. “We’re nearly there”
“Where’s there?” I inquired, looking into them intense eyes.
Mark didn’t reply, instead looked out the window and with a drop in my stomach I knew where I was. The taxi pulled up and a stormed out, slamming the door behind me and walking in the opposite direction.
“Trista!” he shouted after me, quickly paying the driver before speeding up his pace to follow me.
“Piss off Mark!” I said, anger and pain flooding me, and most of all betrayal. How dare he take me here, what was it to him?
Mark quickened his pace even more and as a direct result I did too, almost running. That was until I felt my foot connect with an uneven piece of pavement and in my heels I felt my balance go and my foot twist before crashing to the ground. He halted next to me and helped me back up, and I attempted to escape again- but found my ankle to painful to do so.
“Trista” Mark repeated, calmly, holding me tightly.
“How fucking dare you!” I spat, trying to get out of his grasp. “How dare you”
I stared at the house behind Mark’s head, I hated him in this moment.
“You need to face him Tris” Mark said, stroking my hair.
“In my own time!” I exclaimed, finally able to escape him. “How dare you trick me into coming here, how dare you go behind my back to find out where he lives!”
He sighed audibly, running his hand through his hair. “I was just trying to help you!”
“Well I don’t need saving Mark!” I screamed now, quickly losing control. “I was 14 when my Dad left, not 5!”
“For god’s sake! I was just trying to do something nice, to show you how much of a shit I give about you Trista! That was all! Well I give up, don’t let me in then, let’s just continue this sham of a relationship where you won’t let me into your heart or into your bedroom!”
I laughed a humorless laugh, throwing my head back. “Is that what this is really about? Solve her daddy issues then you will get into her knickers, a bit of a challenging conquest but it keeps things interesting!”
Mark recoiled, shaking his head in disbelief. “No, it was about proving myself to you, so you wouldn’t send me away like all the boys before!”
“All the boys before?” I gasped, shaking my head.
“I didn’t mean it like that” Mark’s voice had lowered too, as he walked to be nearer to me again. “Please Tris, can we stop this? Before we say something we regret,”
The anger was starting to filter out, and I looked at him for a moment before nodding and letting him hold me. “Sorry, you just caught me off guard”
“I still think it’s a waste of time to wait so long Tris” he said, in a last attempt.
“I know, but it’s what I want to do” I sighed into his chest.
“Every day that you want to waste, you can” Mark said softly.
“And you’ll put up with it?”
“I’ll help you see it through, because I just really want to be with you”
In that moment, I knew I loved him, but I didn’t say it. Not yet
Did a longish part to make up for lack of updating :)
A loud thudding noise filled the room and I quickly snatched my mobile phone off of the coffee table of the staff lounge to avoid attention, I of course failed. Michelle was sat on the couches, and her eyes lifted at the sound and she smirked as she watched me read the text.
I didn’t care that I was being watched, I had to smile, Mark had sent me a picture message of him standing proudly on a tower of pizza boxes. He had written underneath “Piz-leased to meet you”. Still smiling I texted back “That’s just too cheesy”. Slipping my phone back into my pocket I addressed Michelle, who was sat with her eyebrows raised.
“You’ve got it baaaad” she sang, a knowing smirk on her face and a twinkle in her eye.
“Hmm, stick to picking the singers- not becoming one” I said, rolling my eyes, and sitting on the other couch, trying to appreciate my early lunch break as much as I could.
“Oh but it’s soooo adorable, Miss. ‘I’m coming to LA to focus on my career not boys’!” Michelle mimicked, coming to sit on the couch facing opposite
“I am doing!” I protested, unwrapping my sandwich with a sour expression. “I’m allowed to have fun too”
“Hey, I’m playing with you girl!” she replied, the smirk still on her face.
“Whatever, I won’t hang out with him tomorrow if it upsets you too much”
Michelle rolled her eyes at me, and swatted me with an abandoned magazine on the coffee table. “You know that you will anyway, you’re smiitttteeeennnn”
“Shut up” I crossed my arms and sat defiantly on the couch. “I am not”
“Whatever you say, honey”
It was now late October, and the leaves had fallen and cluttered the pavement, sodden from the light shower which had hit the city a few hours before. I nuzzled into my heavy winter scarf and pulled my khaki parka coat tighter to myself, on this unseasonably cold day. I had started to embrace the LA weather, so much warmer than back in Britain at this time of year, but the cold had hit me as soon as I had gotten out of bed this morning.
I had finished work and was heading to Mark’s house, it had been a couple of days since I had seen him due to the workload I had at the moment. As usual I let myself in, none of them ever heard the doorbell anyway. It was deathly quiet when I entered, a weird sort of atmosphere. I opened the living room door slightly tentatively, then someone jumped in front of it with a shout of “ARGH!”
Of course, making myself look as big of an idiot as I possibly could, I let out a gigantic scream and jumped backwards, bringing my giant handbag to block myself from this attack. There was a peel of laughter as Mark walked back slightly, holding onto his side.
“You…should…have…seen…your…..face!” he wheezed between laughter, opening the door to let me in.
“You bastard” I frowned, trying to compose myself.
He held the door open and let me into the living room, I gazed around the room as all the tacky Halloween decorations he could ever own were decorating every surface. From fake cobwebs to pumpkins from a plastic bloodied mirror to a model of Jason Vorhees.
“Sorry, I thought Halloween wasn’t for another week?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
Mark went to dim the lights of the room, the various spooky lanterns now casting green and orange tinges in the various places they were standing. “Yesss, but you have to chaperon Nikki’s sister’s Halloween party am I correct? So I wanted to bring Halloween to you early”
“Well yeah” I sighed, watching him bring out a stack of dvds, my face fell. “Aw Mark! You know I don’t like horror films!”
“But you like to cuddle me when you get scared, right?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“What a cunning plan, Mr. Foster” I allowed him, somewhat impressed.
Mark grinned that incredible grin, then fanned out the DVDs for me to pick. I tapped the Final Destination DVD having to ease myself into this horror evening. He put the DVD in then we relaxed on the couch his arm round me as we waited for the adverts come on.
“How’s the band going?” I asked, pulling the sweets I had bought out of the bag and setting them out in front of us.
Absentmindedly he trailed his finger down my arm, as he thought about it. “Good I guess, we are getting more shows now that we have Pumped Up Kicks on the website, and we have like a mailing list for anyone who’s downloaded it, who knows what’ll happen I guess”
“That’s good though, having a mailing list means people are interested, right?” I asked, opening the packet of haribos and offering Mark one.
“Yeah but if hardly anyone is on it, it doesn’t mean much, does it?” he sighed, chewing on his haribo with worry etching his face.
“Hey” I said, muting the adverts for other films, and pulling his face to look me in the eye. “It’s going to happen for you, I promise”
Mark sighed, pulling me close to him once more. “I hope so, maybe putting Zach back in the band will help”
“Yeah” I tried to lighten the mood “He is quite hot as well…”
“Piss off” he grumbled, tickling me. “Now watch the film”
In the event of having a movie night, we didn’t do much movie watching, I managed to sit through Final Destination- gore didn’t particularly bother me. But then he put on 28 Days Later, under the premise of a Brit horror would make me miss home, well I definitely didn’t. The idea of zombies was the thing that scared me the most, as I believed it could happen one day.
At the start of the film, monkeys burst themselves out of the cages and starting biting people, that was me done as I buried myself into Mark’s chest. I felt his deep laughter vibrating through his body under me and I punched him lightly in the stomach, looking up to glare at him. That look was fatal though, and we started kissing and it’s safe to say not much film watching was done.
I felt his hand slipping underneath my top, to stroke my back, I let him for a while giving into the feeling. Then his hand started to get alarmingly close to my bra clasp, until it was on it, and undoing it. At this point I pulled back from him, feeling my swollen lips throb and my bra start to fall forward. I hastily stood up and clasped it shut again, the two of us just staring at each other in that moment.
“What’s up?” Mark asked, adjusting his trousers with a slight grunt, and I didn’t dare look at what situation he had sprung up with.
“Erm” I said, flustered. “I’m not ready to do that yet Mark, sorry”
“That’s okay” he sighed, somewhat embarrassed. “I..er- well I will need to go adjust myself though, then we will carry on watching the film, yeah?”
Mark shuffled out of the room and I sat on the couch and paused the film, feeling sufficiently embarrassed about what had just happened. At that moment my phone vibrated, and I checked it, to see a text from Michelle.
“I’m guessing when you get this text your panties will be on Mark’s floor, well stay protected hun!”
I gasped in shame, then deleted the text, choosing to ignore it. Part of me wanted to go all the way with him, but the other part didn’t trust that I wasn’t just one long conquest. I knew it was stupid of me, and that it was more likely that he truly did love me, but I wasn’t ready for that yet.
“Okay” came his voice from the doorway, his face red. “Should we address what just happened before we carry on?”
“Yeah” I said, feeling myself going red. “Look, Mark, I do want to do that with you- but I just want to be sure that us two are going to last”
Mark sighed, walking over and sitting next to me on the couch, where we both sat woodenly at the edge as though strangers or actors in a play. But then he took my hand and faced me.
“I don’t mind waiting, I want it to be special. But Tris, you need to lose this attitude that I’m going to run off, I want to be with you, I chose to be with you. Okay?”
A tear slid out of my eyes, eyebrows knotting together.
“I know, I just want our first time to be special, free of worry and full of certainty”
“I do too, but we won’t have that until you tell me what your musician phobia is” Mark said, wiping the tear away with one finger.
More tears rolled, as I told him exactly what happened.
“YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH THAT LITTLE TROLLOP? IN OUR BED? OUR MARITAL BED! YOU SICKO” came my mothers screams from the other room.
I sat on the floor of my room, feeling like I was choking on the sheer force of the tears. I was fourteen, but clutching my childhood teddies like I was about seven. The sheer anger and pain resounding from every inch of my mothers voice sent a cold shiver throughout me. My father was so often gone, I was surprised we even constituted as a family, but my mother convinced me that everything was fine. But tonight I found out that it wasn’t, it was far from it.
“God! It was one night Mary! One goddamn night!” my father’s voice came by, significantly lower, with a pleading tone.
“DOES THAT MAKE IT OKAY? DOES THAT EXCUSE THE FOUR OTHER WOMEN YOU HAVE SLEPT WITH ON THE ROAD? JUST BECAUSE IT WASN’T AN AFFAIR THIS TIME?” I heard a smash, my mother had launched something at the wall.
“Shit Mary! That could of hit me!”
“IT WAS MEANT TO YOU LOUSY EXCUSE FOR A MAN”
“I’m a lousy excuse? You should hear what your daughter says about you when you come home! “Mum is always so mad at me when you’re on the road Dad, I think she misses you when you aren’t here” my father’s voice was rising now, to compete with the noise. “Taking your anger out on your daughter isn’t the way, you god awful mother”
My sobs increased at these words, never wanting my Mum to know how I felt, knowing it would hurt her. I attempted to turn the sound up in my headphones but it did not work, they still filtered through, as painful as ever.
“Want to talk about parenting Robert?” my mothers voice had lowered slightly, but there was a lot more danger in that. “You have missed 15 of her school events like plays, assemblies and charity events! So don’t you dare come at me with that! Don’t you dare”
“I can’t do this anymore” my father said suddenly, the sound of hangers being ripped out of the wardrobe accompanying this. “I’m sorry”
“What?” the anger had faded now, and the pain was even more apparent, I couldn’t decide what was worth. “You’re leaving us?”
“Mary” I had turned off the music now and had to open my door a crack to hear. “I’m no good for you, or Trista”
The door opened and I could hear the sound of my father dragging his suitcase down the stairs. I opened the door wider to see my mother watching him, pain in her eyes and her mouth pursed tight. She wasn’t stopping him, why wasn’t anyone stopping him?
“DAD!” I shouted, running full pelt down the stairs after him, I saw him freeze with his hand on the front door handle. He sighed then let go, turning to face me and bending down to gain eye contact with me. “PLEASE DON’T GO!”
I was fully sobbing now, grasping at his weathered leather jacket, his lip quivered and he sighed once more, stroking back my hair. “Honey, It’s for the best”
“NO!” I screamed, hearing my mother descending down the stairs, presumably about to pull me away and stop me. “NO IT’S NOT! I LOVE YOU DADDY PLEASE STAY”
“Trissy” my father whimpered, a tear slipping out of his eyes. “I have to, I’ll see you all the time I promise. I love you”
“Daddy” I whispered, as he kissed the top of my head and straightened up. “Daddy no, please”
“Goodbye Trissy” he said softly, as he closed the door and left our lives for good.
“But I’m not your father Trista” Mark said softly, stroking my hair back as the pain of the memory coursed through me again, as raw as when it happened.
“I know” I whispered.
“Where is he now?” he asked, wiping away every tear which fell.
“In LA” I said, trying to regain control. “He er- met someone else, he came to see me all the time in the beginning then I never saw him again. I never got along with the bimbo he was with… last time I saw him was my university graduation- last year, but he stood at the back and after it was finished he was gone- he didn’t stay to congratulate me. I just found a box with a silver necklace in, and a note inside saying Dad. It’s still in it’s box somewhere now actually…”
“Do you think that’s why you’re here Tris?” Mark probed cautiously, territory that was dangerous.
“Maybe” I agreed, nuzzling my head into his chest “Maybe”
We lay back on the couch, with me still in his arms, and we drifted into sleep, just as I was about to fall into sleep completely I could of swore I heard Mark whisper
“I would do anything for you”